Let’s talk about Anger
“We should not be ashamed of anger. It’s very good and a very powerful thing. What we need to be ashamed of is the way we abuse it”
There is a little book by Gandhi’s grandson, which if you don’t know his story, is a great way in. It is called, ‘The Gift of Anger’ and looks at the value and importance of anger as passion, the fire to cause change.
Does the Dalai Llama get angry? hear his answer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSEIqAy2T1U
So if these enlightened beings are ok with anger, why do I still cower in the fact of anger - especially my own?
Maybe because I don’t like the lack of control I feel when I am pushed to react. As a teacher, the moment you shout is the moment you lose control, and the respect of your class, whatever age. I so prefer the feeling of collaboration and growth created through friendly exchange.
But still anger comes.
I was angry in my job, so I dared to question. Then I experienced others anger towards me. I felt anger when my family received an unexpected, unfair change of circumstance. This summer, wow the heat makes me prickly! The irritation is real, and mostly directed from me to Henry, who is really not at fault, but just being a 6 year old on holiday.
Reflecting from a distance, and especially after some rain has cooled August at last, I can experience the delight that my son still wants to chat and play with me. And I have compassion for the still-working mother who wants to sit, not make more pancakes or play war or keep on discussing which Star Wars Sith really is the baddest baddie.
With the family situation, I know that I used the anger to fuel a petition to change the circumstance. I can see that anger was a call to action for me, to gather people to an understanding, to bring clarity to a situation, to hold an organisation to account. I also remember how I had to make space to hold the anger, and channel it. Writing a petition took weeks, from inception to result. For me, anger is not a comfortable place, but I have seen its productivity.
In my job, my anger was a sign of aversion. As meditators we discuss the dual forces of charm and aversion. We head towards the creativity and attraction of ‘charm’ as detected by our finest level of feeling - you could think of this as your highest self. What is my intuition drawn towards? (NB not my addictions!) This can be accessed right after meditation when you stop your practice but still have your eyes closed. In that simplest form of awareness we can ask the big questions and allow ourselves to know. However, when we are not detecting charm, aversion comes. I know that as a school teacher, I would let myself get overwhelmed by the work, the kids, the whole thing. I had created a situation which was too much and needed changing. But I was kinda ignoring my inner voice that already knew I should go. I was too busy surviving, juggling, running to keep up. Too busy surviving to notice the change that was afoot. So the ‘smackdown’ came when I poked the bear and brought the full force of an angry manager down on to myself. I was upset at what happened - for a couple of days. And then I saw that this was a shout from nature, that had broken through the noise and made me notice. Change was needed, I left my job, and space opened up for other amazing things. And they are still coming…..
So I invite you (and myself!) to welcome in anger when it comes, not to feed it and be aggressive but to notice the message it provides, and honour the power it contains. A storm can feel violent and disruptive, but sometimes we all need a good shake, and a down pour, in order to stop, listen and be ready for the next season and stage.
